Updated: Oct 23, 2020
God there is a question.
I would say I was unrecognisable. I thought I knew me, but I didn't really know me.
Crazy, still in my systemic and infected mind I was making my friends and family unrecognisable as well.
But the most painful part is what I was doing to Mitchell. She was pushed to the limit. God, she was strong. Stronger than me. She knew that I was posessed with this stochastic and profound notion of this is the real deal.
The truth is when I stood in front of a mirror, I saw me. However those stood next to me couldn't see me.
What did they see? To tell the truth I don't know. I never asked them. If I did ask them I don't think they would want to tell me.
I do know I had lost myself. I had lost control and was spinning around like the tasmanian devil.
So if I was giddy from spinning, all those around me must have been as well.
The sad truth is, when you are in an affair you can't stop the spinning, it has to naturally slow down until it stops or spins off the edge and tumbles to its demise.
As I sit here in the airport I look around and see all kinds of people and I think to myself who is going through the emotions of an affair.
No telling, for only they know, but I know this, those that are going through an affair will not recognise themselves for a while.
The person in the mirror may seem like them, but actually it is a distant cold, fearful, lost, portrait of the real them. It is a hounding and relentless notion that will persist until the true person takes hold once again.
However the affair will change the image in the mirror long-term, mentally and physically.
Find yourself. Go home and be at peace.