The long haul..
The future will become the past...
No one said it would be easy. If they did they were lying!
Once the affair is actually over. the long journey of healing begins and I mean long journey.
There is no short cut, no easy route. it is a case of preparing for a long uncomfortable bumpy ride!
You will feel like it will never get better. When will it end, you will ask?
It does end and it does get better, but it needs a road map to get there.
Patience, a strong will, to keep looking forward not back.
You will need to support each other. Remember you will both have different needs, different thoughts, and different bandages.
The person who had the affair will be going through various stages. Guilt, regret, loss, shame, remorse. Remembering that you are now a different person.
The betrayed will be feeling betrayed, loss, confusion, blame, and more.
So how do you both get to the destination together?
A large part of the journey is talking. let questions be asked. No matter how uncomfortable they are. Answer the question honestly.
The betrayed will more than likely know the answer, they just need you to confirm it.
Trust. Trust needs to be built and earned and we need to accept that.
As the affair person, we gave up our rights and now need to show how much the betrayed means to us. Not as a punishment, but as an act of love.
It takes years to mend. At certain points you want to give up. You will want to just walk away as there are so many thoughts buzzing around. It remains confusing and lonely.
However perseverance pays off.
My wife and I took at least two years to feel like we were in a better place.
Yes, I wanted to quit and I am damn sure she wanted to walk away.
It was hard but now it is easier. the journey is more comfortable.
What is the point? The point is it can be mended. It can be good again. It can be better than good again.
Hang in there. talk, explain, and love each other.