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  • Paul Hopkins

The Affair Outcome

An affair is more than just an affair. There are severe consequences from such a deep and meaningful act.

One of the outcomes is stress, or trauma if you will!

You may think that is extreme, but no, when you love someone so much and they go and deceive you in such a meaningful way, your world just shatters around you.

I can only relate to this from what I have seen, as I was the one that had the affair. However I saw the damage it did to Mitchell.

To be honest the damage was actually shocking to me. I never actually realised what the trauma could or would be. Not because I didn't care, but because I was going through something else. Almost the polar opposite. I was wrapped up in euphorbia while Mitchell was in nothing less that hell.

But what are the effects or trauma and how long do the effects last?

  • Exhaustion

  • Numbness

  • Anxiety

  • Confusion

  • Stress

  • disassociation

  • etc.

This kind of trauma effects a person for ever. The anticipation of life changes, as does your expectations of people. This is important to know and understand because the trauma can lead to strong associated feelings as life continues. This means that haunting can happen and unless there is a strong element of control, lingering trauma can continue for a very long time.


I never truly recognised what an affair can do. The immense damage to people. If I new what the outcomes would be, would I of changed my actions. Of course I would. Not that that is a reason to not have an affair. And to be honest when someone is emotionally attached nothing will be able to shift them from their position.


To know that I have put someone through this trauma is something I need to deal with. I need to be there and more to support and diminish those associated feelings that come with trauma. That is my role now. that is my job, but it is not a job it is love. The job of the one who went through the trauma is to allow the other person access to be able to support.


I think it is very important that anyone who is thinking of, or is having an affair knows and understands what trauma is and does. This will not be easy, as the person having the affair will be emotionally attached meaning they will only have one way vision and one way hearing. This makes it nearly impossible to break through the barrier of emotional attachment.


They are actual damaging you in such a sever way that it is taking years off of your life. They are causing all of the associations to trauma and more. They are even creating thoughts of suicide.

I suggest they put themselves in a place of isolation and imagine what it would be like to receive mental abuse day after day.

Sounds extreme. It is.


I have learnt the hard way and I look back with regret and the knowledge that I damaged the person I love.


How could I have done that, I ask?

I ask myself again, I listen but I hear nothing but regret.

There is no escape. what is done is done.

But there is regret as I think about her. She was tired and exhausted limp and without notion.

She longed for a reprieve, but there wasn't one.

What did I do. In reality I knew.

I was her protector but I failed.








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