Some days thoughts overcome you.
No one understands the true thoughts of post affair. Why would they?
There you are alone and trying to get on with life after making the right decisions when BAM it side swipes you.
Your heart misses a beat. Your face drops and you just slouch forward as if you have just been shot!
No reason or rhyme.
An advert on tv, a film, a song, a lyric, a look, a smell etc.
All triggers to a distant memory.
Memorys you want to forget, but do not want to forget.
People don't understand that to forget a poignant moment in your life is like chopping off a hand.
Yes we want to forget the regrets, but do we want to forget the true depths and moments that etched a memory into our existance?
But life carries on. We get up, have our breakfast go to work and mix with people we Don't really know, who don't really care about our experiences or our lives in general. And then there are those poeple we do know, friends who politely ask how we are. We answer ok, but are we? We don't explain that last night was a night of torment, that we cried due to thoughts that overcome us.
So this situation continues and we ask what is the fix?
Maybe there is no fix. Maybe we just have to keep living and as time passes we naturally forget.
I think the true problem is wanting to forget. Do we want to forget.
The thought of forgetting is scary. Our natural response is to avoid being scared.
Some of the memories are blissfull and to forget those blissful memories need to be overwritten.
The point is that it is very difficult. This does not mean you have failed. It just means you are human.
Letting go can be so hard. A bit like a dog that just will not let go of the ball. Frightened it will never see the ball again. However in time it lets go and when it does let go everything is ok.