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  • Paul Hopkins

Sex vs Love

My Dad can be a wise chap at times (amongst his unfiltered self). But his response to my being in love was this: “The Greeks have many words for love, because the wise Greeks knew that love cannot be put into just one category.” I listened.


The Greek language distinguishes at least six different ways as to how the word love is used. Ancient Greek has six distinct words for love: agápe, éros, philía, storgē, pragma and philautia. However, as with other languages, it has been difficult to separate the meanings of these words when used outside their respective contexts. Nonetheless, the senses in which these words were generally used are as follows:

  • Agápe (ἀγάπη agápē[1]) means "love: esp. charity; the love of God for man and of man for God."[2] Agape is used in ancient texts to denote feelings for one's children and the feelings for a spouse, and it was also used to refer to a love feast.[3] Agape is used by Christians to express the unconditional love of God for his children.[4] This type of love was further explained by Thomas Aquinas as "to will the good of another."[5]

  • Éros (ἔρως érōs) means "love, mostly of the sexual passion."[6] The Modern Greek word "erotas" means "intimate love". Plato refined his own definition: Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself. Plato does not talk of physical attraction as a necessary part of love, hence the use of the word platonic to mean, "without physical attraction". In the Symposium, the most famous ancient work on the subject, Plato has Socrates argue that eros helps the soul recall knowledge of beauty, and contributes to an understanding of spiritual truth, the ideal "Form" of youthful beauty that leads us humans to feel erotic desire – thus suggesting that even that sensually based love aspires to the non-corporeal, spiritual plane of existence; that is, finding its truth, just like finding any truth, leads to transcendence.[7] Lovers and philosophers are all inspired to seek truth through the means of eros.

  • Philia (φιλία philía) means "affectionate regard, friendship", usually "between equals".[8] It is a dispassionate virtuous love, a concept developed by Aristotle.[9] In his best-known work on ethics, Nicomachean Ethics, philia is expressed variously as loyalty to friends (specifically, "brotherly love"), family, and community, and requires virtue, equality, and familiarity. Furthermore, in the same text philos denotes a general type of love, used for love between family, between friends, a desire or enjoyment of an activity, as well as between lovers.

  • Storge (στοργή storgē) means "love, affection" and "especially of parents and children".[10] It is the common or natural empathy, like that felt by parents for offspring.[11] Rarely used in ancient works, and then almost exclusively as a descriptor of relationships within the family. It is also known to express mere acceptance or putting up with situations, as in "loving" the tyrant. This is also used when referencing the love for one's country or a favorite sports team.

  • pragma a model of love as two people may demonstrate during a lengthy marriage.

  • philautia self love – love for one’s self


Very helpful, I thought. It seemed to me that I was in love, but was the love I was experiencing only Eros





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