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Page 14. I could stare into those eyes all day long.

We reminisced about the interview four years ago, had a laugh about it and the fact that Rose had not got the job. She joked and threw in some banta about what a bad decision it was on my part, and how bizarre it was that our paths had crossed again. At this point I couldn’t mention that I had not forgotten her, I needed to be professional, but inside I was elated somehow. But not thinking anything other than this is nice.

I was married and Rose had a partner. I was under the impression that Rose was very happy in her life. We had our own lives and that was it.

Anyway, why would anything happen?

Rose had to go. She said she would pop in when she returned back from clinic for a more thorough catch-up.

I continued with my day as normal in the NHS. Ploughing through the normal problems, firefighting and extinguishing the problems that ascended from internal bureaucracy, which hindered and diminished the great organisation, reducing it to a crumbling giant. Many of the senior managers, under-managers and coordinators ran around full of their own self-importance (also known as bloaty head syndrome), creating problems that didn’t actually exist and facilitating the weakening and demolishing of small systems and departments even further. Without any thought for patients or others, fulfilling their own agenda through self-gain! I either tried to avoid the problems or I tried to battle through them in the most effect way to provide a healthy secure service. Which I mostly successfully managed, bypassing the main offenders.

At the end of the day I heard Rose return. I was in the main area discussing a film and having some banta with a couple of colleagues. I brought the conversation to a funny end and wandered back to my office in the anticipation that Rose may pop in. She did. In she came, smiling, oh that smile, how I loved it.

She was so gentle, but funny and confident. It is hard to explain. In fact, is it possible to explain? I guess I was excited that there was some kind of connection between us.

Rose pulled over a chair and sat at the end of my desk facing me. We started our conversation and discussed the department, its failures and strengths. I explained the changes that I was going to implement and Rose agreed, showing enthusiasm and excitement regarding those changes. Excitement and passion can be rare to find, but when you do discover someone shares that passion it gives you a buzz and a sense of empowerment. It confirms that what you are thinking is right and that you are steering the ship in the right direction.

The interesting thing was the eye contact. I am not one for long periods of eye contact unless I need to, I tend to make enough eye contact for that particular event. But when it came to Rose I had to be careful; I found myself staring into her blue eyes and just getting lost. I had to be conscious that I did not come across as weird. But oh, I could stare into those eyes all day long.

The conversation continued and people started to leave the department to go home. Rose had to go as well. It was her first day back and she had to collect her child from somewhere. However, before Rose left I wanted to mention a particular role that I was going to introduce into her department. It was like a risk management role, auditing and tracking patients. I had built this role up in my other department and it was a huge success. I explained the role and what it would involve. That it would be office based, but that the person employed in that role would still run clinics to ensure clinical accreditation, acting as a senior over the others. At that point I said it is going to be a few months away so have a think about it, but I think you have the drive and passion to be able to fulfil the role.

To be honest, there was no one at Rose’s level of competence and class suitable to carry out the role as I wanted. There was one other lady who was capable of fulfilling the role, but her performance over the last six months was questionable, her work was ok but her commitment was not there, but that was due to her personal life and ongoing problems, so maybe this was understandable.



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