Euphoria and Addictions. Was it a choice?
It is amazing how we change when a circumstance takes over our life. Our thinking pattern deviates, Oour normal thought configurations disappear real fast and we start a new route and a new way of processing surroundings.
This new process affects everything and I mean everything! It is holistic, it dictates and takes over. Our whole being evolves around us and the new person in your life. It completely takes over, our personal life becomes infected, basically everything is contaminated and we live and breathe, dare I say it… affair?
When we are at home we become a druggy on a dream. When we are at work we become a distracted child, preoccupied, gazing into space losing track of our purposes. It is a mind blowing experience and the high is astounding, not that we realise it at the time, that it is a high. Total irrational thinking tiptoes its way into our everyday life. Everything looks glossy and pretty, tinted and desirable.
Some of the thoughts I had back then seemed so crazy.
For instance, I barely knew the reality, right? Yet I was willing to give up everything. A marriage and life for what? For fantasies, for some short lived pleasures, thoughts and excitement running through my mind. Ok, at the time maybe it was not a fantasy, it was real, but I was ignoring the labels; fantasy, dream, and wishful thinking! It was like a highway and as you drive you see all the other signs for:
Astounding Happiness Lane
The Road To Relationship With No Problems Happy Everyday Highway
Long Lasting Feelings Lane
Holidays Filled With Sex
Road Romance Boulevard
Looking Sexy Every Minute Of Everyday Driveway Sexy Street Foreplay Parking Area
That was ok, all those signs were just fine. That was where I was.
The truth is we get lost down “High As A Kite Highway” and our senses are utterly blown away by the euphoric feelings and addiction that are caused by the affair. Fault? Is the blame?
We get drugged up and love it. We turn into this deluded selfish, self-absorbed person with only two things on my mind… me and them. Loving the high, the sensations, the feeling of being alive and as far as I was concerned no one, or nothing was going to get in my way.
No pre-loaded thoughts. No, the thoughts crept into me and slowly took over.
It is a dangerous place living on the edge (but as stressful and damaging as it was) it was a choosen place to be.
But was it a choice? Was it actually a conscious desicion I made? That is the great debate.