A world of no escape
It is very hard to escape these days. With so much connectivity and contact options. Facebook, Messenger, WhatsApp, Snapchat.... Just to name a few.
All very nice tools and of course they all have a place.
However, there are hidden dangers as we all know, or should know!
The problem with these tools when you are having an affair or when you decide the affair is over is that there is very little escape.
These tools provide a buzz and it is so easy to just have a little look. Of course, at the time that little look is amazing and brings all kinds of emotions and feelings that bubble up.
To be honest I loved those feelings. When I was having an affair, I would take a look at a photo on Facebook and sigh longingly and dreamingly. I enjoyed it. A quick cheeky message via messenger. A wink, thumbs up, or any other symbol.
All too easy.
But what is the problem? Well, when you are having an affair there is no problem only bliss. The problem is for the person who is trying to save the relationship. The person being hurt.
How on earth can they achieve anything when there is constant connectivity between the two having the affair.
God can you imagine who demoralising that would be. Every time the betrayed tried to achieve something positive, it would be washed away in the blink of an eye, just by a simple symbol or word that is messaged in an instant.
Every time the phone is picked up paranoia stricks the betrayed. Who is that? What are they doing? What was said?
Very, very heart destroying! yes, HEART.
How can a relationship be mended when there is a constant distraction. Constant reminders and constant connection?
The answer is it can't.
So what is the cure? The cure actually starts before the affair. But let's focus on the cure during the affair. I say cure but it is not so much a cure but a question? That question is the start of a process.
That question is: Where do you want to be? And do you want to fix the problem?
This depends on the stage of the affair which is mentioned in the book To Blossom and Back.
In the early stages of the affair, you are just completely lost and overwhelmed by what is happening. You are in no fit state to even consider where you want to be. Let me rephrase you might think you know where you want to be? At that moment in time, you might just want to be with your affair partner.
Let us go somewhere, where all the gods can't see alone and alive!
But connectivity is constant and in your face most of the time.
In the later stages, you might start to think about what the affair and life actually mean. This question comes about for many reasons. Signs that all may not be what you think. This happens in various ways. Some signs you get from the affair partner and some awareness starts to creep into your logical thinking. When you reach this point which will drag out for a while, you will start to question. Towards the end of this stage, you will have to decide and that is when the connectivity must come to an end.
This sounds easy but in reality, the connection just does not end that easily. The reality is that once you decide to end an affair the emotions are still there and it is so easy to be lured back to the one you are trying not to think about.
In some cases, the affair may end on a mutual decision if so good but that does make it all the harder. (next post how to end an affair)
The point is when the affair ends the connectivity must cease. Phones and what is looked at on the phone must be controlled. This is interesting because the actual psychological connection is still there so you will be longing to make that connection through whatever means possible. You will be so desperate to reach out.
It will take a long time for that longing to fade. Years if the affair was meaningful. That may sound harsh and no person that has been betrayed wants to hear that!
So the point is that it is very hard to escape. Expect that. prepare for that and learn how to adapt. To adapt is key.
It is a slow process. be kind to yourself and take little steps.