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  • Paul Hopkins

A Scar for Life

It will never leave you. Like a scar that has eventually healed, but still sensitive and visual and there to remind you of the past.

You try to forget but the reality is, you will not forget. The scar is there for life.

When you dress, undress, wash, shower there it is. The reminder, the blemish.

Sometimes it feels like little pieces being chipped away. Questions answered by make belief answers. Deep internal voices telling you truths that you deny and avoid at all costs.

There was no peace during the affair. Will there ever be peace after the affair?

Probably not. The noise will soften, but the white noise will remain.

On a quiet restful day, you will be minding your own business, enjoying the sunshine while drinking a coffee and there it is. From nowhere a thought, a memory, a piece of pain! No reason no rhyme.

Blindsiding you and knocking you off of your feet.

How do you control such thoughts and emotions? How do you control your mind for the rest of your life? Is it possible? Or does one just accept that this is now the path that I walk and there is no diversion.

You see an affair is not just an affair. It is a manipulation of the souls deepest emotion that is triggered and moulded into a prescription that will always need replenishing.

There is no escape from your own thoughts.

At best possible counteractions may be:

· Distraction

· Business

· Commotion

But at the end of each day you may well sigh as your head hits the pillow.

As you long for a remedy that will never appear. You slowly drift away to a place that only you can comprehend until tomorrow comes and you awaken with yet again another quick glimpse of the scar. This is life now!

The dreaming and fantasy may now be a punishment for not acting. But then to act on one’s impulse is not logical. Logic is reason and reason is a form of control.

Where does this leave you? It leaves you with a scar, that will be with you forever.



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